People Helping People Problem Solving: I Feel Hurt.
About the Caribbean STEM Coaching Club’s People Helping People Initiative
For the past 10 years, the Caribbean STEM Coaching Club has been a trusted space for families to tap into the collective expertise and lived experiences of our members. Through open conversations and shared insights, we help each other navigate challenges and discover new opportunities in Parenting, Learning, Careers, and Family Finances.
Whilst we do not give advice, we share fresh perspectives to help our members think critically and find effective solutions for themselves.
In March 2025, we came together to brainstorm solutions to challenges our members were facing. We could perhaps all learn from the perspectives shared on the problem spotlighted below. Please read on.
Problem: I feel hurt.
After moving on from a senior role at a prestigious organization, I’ve noticed a shift in how some in my own Black community treat me. Suddenly, I seem to matter less. The warmth and respect I once felt aren’t there anymore — and it hurts. My ego feels bruised. What’s even more painful is the irony: seeing my own people mirror the same status-driven mindset and values that have caused us so much harm as Black people. It’s as if, for both Black and White communities, perceived status and wealth define a person’s value and the warmth and respect they receive. I know many mothers who leave the corporate world to raise their families also experience this same sense of diminished worth.
My questions
- i) How do I manage this transition well?
- ii) What practical steps can I take to maintain a healthy self-esteem and not feel eroded?
Perspectives from Members of the Club
- If you were around people who only validated you because of what you did, then you were around the wrong people. See this as a wake-up call and a blessing. Go and find new and better friends with healthier values.
- Be honest with yourself; reflect on your own self-perception and self-validation. Could it be that it is not so much that others have changed but that you have changed? Are you projecting your own feelings of diminishment on others?
- Your self-perception is what really matters here. For all of us, if our entire value as human beings is caught up in our jobs, we will come unstuck sooner or later. We need other ways of feeding our souls and validating ourselves – family, friends, hobbies, volunteering etc. We need “through thick and thin” people around us who are genuine. And we ourselves also need to be genuine in our relationships and not treat people differently because of their perceived status or wealth. A therapist or a career transition coach could perhaps help you develop more self-awareness and find healthy ways to validate yourself and meet your emotional needs.
- Like it or not, we live in a culture that commodifies people and accords value based on achievements, wealth, and status. It is what it is. And it often leads to emotional insecurity and unhappiness. And sometimes mental illness. It is up to us to develop the strength of character to choose the road less travelled. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose friends and community networks that are more likely to encourage you to be the person of substance you want to be. It will make all the difference.
Helpful resources
Changing Gear by Jan Hall & Jon Stokes
Sedated: How Modern Capitalism Created Our Mental Health Crisis by James Davies
Please note that the above is not advice; it presents perspectives to help us reflect and find effective solutions for ourselves.
© PCS. Caribbean STEM Coaching Club, March 2025
Would you like the Caribbean STEM Coaching Club’s People Helping People community to brainstorm solutions to a problem you are having with Parenting, Learning, Careers, or Family Finances? If so, please email cstemcc@gmail.com and tell us about it. Your privacy will be protected.