People Helping People Problem Solving: I am Tired of Feeling Disrespected!

by admin · Published March 15, 2025 · Updated March 18, 2025

ABOUT THE CARIBBEAN STEM COACHING CLUB’S “PEOPLE HELPING PEOPLE” INITIATIVE

For the past 10 years, the Caribbean STEM Coaching Club has been a trusted space for families to tap into the collective expertise and lived experiences of our members. Through open conversations and shared insights, we help each other navigate challenges and discover new opportunities in Parenting, Learning, Careers, and Family Finances.

Whilst we do not give advice, we share fresh perspectives to help our members think critically and find the right solutions and opportunities for themselves.

In March 2025, we came together to brainstorm solutions to challenges our members were facing. We could perhaps all learn from the perspectives shared with regards to the problem spotlighted below. Please read on.

Problem – I am Tired of Feeling Disrespected!

I am a mid-career Black professional who too often feels disrespected at work.

The good work I do is seldom acknowledged in the same way that the work of others is acknowledged. My written reviews are always excellent, but this is not reflected in the “vibe” I tend to get on a day-to-day basis.
When I express an ambition to learn and upskill, or when clients commend my work, I would soon after experience putdowns in one way or another.
Once a banana was left on my desk.
Once I made a great effort to onboard a subordinate effectively and she quickly became a high performer. The onboarding I provided was of a much higher standard than the onboarding offered to me and others in the team. She was then removed to another team and I was given a new subordinate with much weaker skills. I now have to train her up. This puts more work on me and means I cannot be freed up to progress to higher level tasks. I expressed my concerns but was told this was necessary in the interests of the wider business.
I don’t know how much difference moving jobs will make. I have worked in three different companies and at some stage, sooner or later, disrespect and put-downs, some overt, many covert, always seem to rear their head.
I am wondering whether disrespect might get worse in the wake of this “Trumpian” backlash against DEI. Also, being forced back into the office 4 days per week means facing more micro aggressions. I feel angry and resentful.

My questions

Is it just me? Or is disrespect in the corporate world widely experienced by Black professional men in the UK?
How do I cope with the feelings of anger and resentment? How do I prevent this from eroding my confidence and continue to grow and thrive?
It is a given that I must produce excellence. But what are other practical things I can do as a Black professional man to earn more respect in the UK corporate world and minimise the micro-aggressions?

Perspectives from Members of the Club

It’s not in your head; what you are experiencing is real. Many Black professionals experience microaggressions and disrespect, and not just in the corporate world.

Recognise that you have agency. Sit firmly in the driver’s seat of your own career development and have confidence that you can attain your goals despite these challenges. Many of us have.

Understand the culture and the workplace politics. Also understand the HR policies and processes in your organisation and leverage these strategically to advocate for yourself. Don’t wait for annual reviews: seek regular (quarterly?) interactions with your line manager to air and raise issues proactively and to ask for psychological safety. Make sure your regular interactions with your line manager always include conversations about what you need to do to develop (both technical skills and soft skills), get better at your job and get promoted. Be focussed and assertive – in a calm, wise manner.

The best way to understand the culture and the workplace politics as well as the navigational skills you need is to find mentors and sponsors within the organisation who you can learn from and who can and will advocate for you.

Be accountable to a mentor or two outside your organisation as well. They could help you to reflect and contextualise your experiences. What is down to the environment? What is personal? Do you have behaviours that could be unhelpful that you need to change? Can you possibly nip problems in the bud much earlier on? Are you putting appropriate boundaries in place?

Too many professionals of colour operate in siloes, beavering away at their desk expecting that the excellent work they produce would get recognised and rewarded. It does not work that way. Get from behind the desk, attend work gatherings, go to office drinks (you can always have a lemonade with Angostura bitters if you don’t drink alcohol), invite others for a coffee or for lunch. Get to know others and enable others to know you and the value you bring to the table. Some have been known to go to the pub for drinks and leave with a job.

Many problems can be avoided or solved through timely and effective communication. As Oprah Winfrey said, great communication begins with great connection. So do what you can to connect with your colleagues – be “a part of things” rather than “apart” from things. When you get to know your colleagues and allow them to know a bit (though not of course everything) about you, they may be less likely to regard you as an “other” and you may be less of a target.

Caribbean people are by nature open, gregarious, relational, and communicative. This is attractive. Lean into this. Be your authentic self and learn to feel very comfortable in your own skin.

Make it a habit to document and carefully file all of your achievements as well as all of the challenges you face with colleagues. We so easily forget, and you must position yourself to draw on evidence in a matter of minutes if and when you need to advocate for yourself.

Make sure you have at hand a formal legal advice source you can tap into at short notice if necessary.

Join a union that is respected by your company and industry.

Be aware of the shifting landscape where human resources departments are concerned. They may not necessarily operate in the employees’ best interests; it is often the case that their primary function is to protect the interests of the company.

Regard yourself as a business. Build your own personal “board of directors” – 1) an HR director, 2) a legal expert in employment law 3) a financial and wealth adviser 4) a union representative 5) a career coach. Define your own personal short term and long-term goals and continually evaluate where you are.

What you are dealing with can be complex and nuanced and requires a great deal of self-awareness as well as understanding of the corporate culture. A career coach could help. But be careful – coaching is an unregulated industry, and it is important to find a coach who is properly trained with the right experience. View credentials and testimonials, schedule an introductory “chemistry” call, find out whether they have the experience you are looking for – especially with regards navigating microaggressions and workplace biases.

You seem to be in toxic environment. Incidents like the “banana incident” must be flagged early. Insofar as it is possible, do not stay in toxic environments that erode you. If after making the effort, things do not change, try to go where you feel appreciated. A “scarcity mindset” makes too many stay for too long in toxic environments to the detriment of their confidence and professional development, as well as to their mental and physical wellbeing.

At the same time, accept that Black professionals across industries will probably always in some measure, face microaggressions for the foreseeable future. So develop your coping strategies. Seek opportunities outside of work to raise your profile, continue upskilling and push open doors to opportunities. Attend professional meet ups regularly (London is a goldmine of meet ups for every profession and industry). Be generous to others – especially young adults in the early stages of their careers – by sharing knowledge and know how.

Some seek to deal with these challenges by pursuing post graduate academics. Be very thoughtful – especially in this economy. Skills are fast and constantly changing. Skills and experience gained from the workplace are often regarded more highly than academic qualifications. Persons have been known to double down on one post graduate qualification after another with little pay back or reward. So think carefully, get advice and make sure it would be worth your while.

Find spaces of belonging externally which you enjoy, where you can help and be helped, and where you feel heard, seen and appreciated. This will nurture your self-esteem, meet crucial emotional needs, and develop the resilience you need to function well in challenging environments.

Your health – mental and physical – is your wealth, and matter most. Do not internalise and take this toxicity home with you. Invest in yourself and in your confidence by eating well, dressing well and exercising regularly. Pursue activities and be around positive people you genuinely enjoy.

Strong families and communities are key to having resilience, confidence and joy in the face of adversity. Invest in your family and community networks. Faith and church networks are particularly powerful and empowering.

Remember that we as Caribbean people have been resilient through the ages. The challenges we have faced historically as well as our rich culture make us uniquely well equipped to rise above the challenges of the times in which we live. Navigating, surviving and thriving in hostile environments can be said to be our USP. We have an advantage.
It’s challenging, yes. But you can do this. And thrive. Many have.

Helpful resources

ACAS – gives employees free, impartial advice on workplace rights, rules and best practice. Pay particular attention to their advice on Dealing with Problems at Work

Badly Behaved People: How to Deal with Idiots at Work by Zena Everett

International Coaching Federation

Please note that the above is not advice; it presents perspectives to help us reflect and find effective solutions for ourselves.

Would you like the Caribbean STEM Coaching Club’s People Helping People community to brainstorm solutions to a problem you are having with Parenting, Learning, Careers, or Family Finances? If so, please email cstemcc@gmail.com and tell us about it. Your privacy will be protected.